Developing Face-to-Face Networking Skills :: Idea #5

In the 1988 movie, "BIG", toy magnate MacMillan (Robert Loggia) has just been stalked at a company party by Susan (Elizabeth Perkins), an intense executive looking for any edge to get herself noticed by the CEO (MacMillan). In this scene he finally turns to her and remarks calmly, "Susan. It's a party. Try to relax and enjoy yourself." That's simply wonderful advise for anyone headed in the door of any business networking event. It's a party. Relax and enjoy yourself.

When you arrive all kinds of intense--fired up to get in there and do some business (a hunter) you will turn people off before you're ten feet away. There is nothing more uncomfortable and unpleasant than being the target of a hunter. Everything coming out of the mouth of a hunter is planned and pointed. There are no conversations, just manipulated interactions so the hunter can slip in pieces and parts of his/her sales pitch....

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ESCORT ŰBERHUNTER TO THE DOOR PLEASE!? It's a PARTY! BACK OFF!" Please don't be "that person".

I like networking events because I like meeting people. I enjoy the stimulation of conversations, exploring interests, hearing stories and having a few laughs. If I'm guilty of hunting for anything, it would be hunting for more fun.

The great thing about relaxing and enjoying the moment is that business and relationships still find me. Not because I shot them and hauled them out like a conquering hero, but because I've found new friends in business.

Don't worry if you are a hunter in recovery. "Business" will arrive in conversation all by itself. People will talk about what they do in business, they'll be curious about you do. That's what happens at a "business" event. I don't have to force it happen. I can just relax and enjoy. So can you.

Developing Face-to-Face Networking Skills :: Idea #4

What's in your hand? Most networking events almost universally coincide with meal times and you're going to be hungry. Finger foods, buffet offerings, and beverages will abound. At some point you may have a glass in one hand, a plate in the other, and a mouthful of crab-cake just as someone walks over to talk--or will you? Here are some quick thoughts on keeping your hands and mouth free.

• Whenever possible always eat something BEFORE you go to an event. I'm in the habit of grabbing a junior burger or taco at a drive-through on the way (my healthy-eating friends keep nutrition bars in their car or grab a smoothie). Hunger is a powerful motivator and if you arrive with an empty stomach you will spend more time looking for the prosciutto tray than people you need to meet.
• If you succumb to hunger, step away from the center of the crowd and have a bite. On a side note, do not fill your plate like it is your last meal. Several trips with small amounts will go over much better than appearing as a glutton.
  
• If your hands are full, don't ask anyone to "hold this for a second" so you can shake a hand, get something more, or worse, go off to visit the... well, you know.
• If you insist on filling your hands with food and drink, stand next to something you can put them on.
• Always work to keep your right hand available (the hand you shake with).
  
• DON'T talk with food in your mouth! And, putting your hand up to cover your mouth while you talk IS NOT an acceptable solution.
  
• Alcohol will fuzz your focus. If you need something to sip, stick with non-alcoholic beverages. No one but you knows the difference between water and ice or vodka and ice.
  
• Avoid clammy hands (is there anything worse than a clammy handshake?) by keeping your hands out of your pockets, and by carrying a napkin in the palm of your hand (people will think the napkin is left over from the last drink you had or food you ate).
• If you want to collect the printed stuff that sponsors always have laying around, do your collecting on your way out.

While we are speaking about hands think also about the appearance of your hands. LOOK at your hands before you go to an event! Are they clean? Are your fingernails clean and trimmed (or cared for)? People you meet notice this stuff!

Though there are many more tips; what's listed above are the simplest to do (or not to do) at every event you attend. Help your investment of time (and maybe money) do the most for you by focusing on your goal; To meet people, extend your business, and grow your reputation.

Developing Face-to-Face Networking Skills :: Idea #3

Standing and doing nothing in a room full of people that all seem to have something to do is an isolating and uncomfortable feeling. But it does happen--get stuck too long standing alone and your instinct to flee REALLY starts to kick in. You glance at the door more and more and the reasons to leave RIGHT NOW sound better and better. STOP! Don't give into a self-defeating instinct.

Remember how smart you were? Before driving over to tonight's meeting you grabbed a small stack of business cards that you'd collected at previous events (maybe 5 or 6) and stuffed them in one of your pockets for just this moment.

Now that you find yourself stuck and wondering how to get past this spot, you reach into your pocket and pull out your stash of cards. Holding them in both hands you begin to study them one at a time. To anyone in the room glancing your way you appear to be doing your networking homework and hard-coding facts into your head about people you've already met this evening.

What you're really doing is thinking about your next move. From time to time you look up and glance around considering where your next conversation will begin. Suddenly the spark is back--you know your next move. You confidently put the cards back in your pocket and stride into the crowd ready to engage.

Congratulations! You are one stride closer to being the successful face-to-face business networking guru you've always aspired to be. Tally-HO!!

Developing Face-to-Face Networking Skills :: Idea #2

Since I'm talking about ideas specific to just starting a conversation with someone I don't know (see last post) here is a conversation starting idea that may have some merit; Offer someone a pedestal to stand on.

I was at a reception for an association of middle market financial advisor's and found myself standing almost alone near the entrance. A gentleman I had not met was standing nearby. I glanced at him (we made brief eye contact and offered each other a quick smile and one of those "hey" head nods)... then looking his way again I closed the distance between us and asked, "Didn't I see you last week when you were on that panel discussing how to negotiate company valuations? By the way, my name is Bruce."

His response was a BIG smile and an engaging conversation. After telling me that it wasn't him on the panel he volunteered where he worked, what he did, and his thoughts on the reception we were at.

So why did that approach work so well? Because I started the conversation by elevating him to a position of importance. He was an instant celebrity (within the context of the professional situation). Even though he had not been on the panel mentioned, I was telling him he looked important. My question promoted him from "wallflower" to "King of the Room". Yes, it's good to be a King.

Developing Face-to-Face Networking Skills :: Idea #1

Walking into a room packed with people you do not know can be daunting! "How will I know whom to meet?" "How can I cover a room with so many people in it?" Here's an idea that has worked for me.

Anyone I meet is my personal, relationship scout. Everyone in the room will be spending time, just like me; making old and new connections, starting conversations and collecting information.

As I talk with people I meet I ask them whom they've met. Sharing knowledge like this can make the "hunt" a whole lot swifter; maybe even more fun.... Challenging situations are always easier with an ally. Trading knowledge helps me to be more efficient and sometimes is the fast-track to an important introduction.

What to Wear to a Black Tie Optional Event

It is such a little thing in print--"black tie optional", but for many a huge question to answer. Here is the answer I offer when asked, "what do I wear?"

First, if you are being honored, will appear at a podium or are part of the group / association / committee that organized the event your choice is simple; Wear a tux/evening gown. Go formal all the way (within good taste). If you are not one of the people described above DO NOT go "black tie". Consider these wardrobe choices instead.

MEN

• A plain, dark blue (I mean DARK blue) or black business suit (matched jacket and trousers). No pinstripes or pattern materials. Definitely never a sport jacket.
• A collared solid white or solid, very dark blue dress shirt. Shirts with two-tone collars are not an option. Do not wear a shirt with a traditional button collar. That is a work shirt, not a dress shirt. The shirt material should be smooth (linen) vs. rough (oxford). A shirt with french cuffs would be preferable. My preference in cuff links is always "braided knots" but if you wear metal of any kind go for understated.
  
• Black belt and black, lace-up dress shoes. Any kind of loafer (slip-on) or wingtips are not acceptable. Stick to a smooth-toed black lace-up.
• A solid color or dark patterned tie. This is not the occasion for a colorful "fun" tie, club ties, or a bright "power" tie (sharp reds, bright yellows, etc.).
• Wear a "dress" watch if you own one. This is not the time to wear a digital sports watch or giant-faced, multi-function chronographs.

WOMEN

• A simple, dark suit as described above, or, a simple black dress. This is not the place a flashy and colorful cocktail dress. Always think, "understated".
• If you wear a suit a plain white or solid, skin-tone enhancing blouse is appropriate. Avoid colors or patterns that are too loud or bright.
  
• Nylons or stockings are in the realm of personal choice. If you wear them match your natural skin-tone or light black (not patterned).
• Dark shoes with moderate heels (1 1/2 - 2 inches). Again, style is a personal choice but lean toward "understated"
• Minimize jewelry. While "somber" is never a good choice, "elegance" is always appreciated.
• A smaller purse that matches your suit/dress choice. If it has a strap the strap should be thin.

The idea here is to look appropriately distinguished and dressy with class. While it is always a matter of personal choice, the way we dress, the first thing most of us want to do is to "fit in". Once you have accomplished that the rest is up to you.

Tickets, Tickets, I've Got Tickets!

One of the lifeblood networking tools of a business law firm is tickets--season seats at everything worth seeing within the region of an office. Great relationships are born from creating great experiences for clients and referral resources--good seats at fun events are always well remembered. While it is not my favorite thing to be the keeper of the tickets, especially during a playoff for a local team, the reward is well worth the effort for the attorneys and myself. Here are a few tips on managing tickets, allocation, and other things that come with the territory.

• While most firms do include ticket costs in their business development budgets be sure to notify users of the cost of the seats they occupy on any given day (something I am about to implement). Letting individuals know the true cost to the firm for their outing serves as a great reminder for moving relationships forward.
• Create policies about how, when and whom can use the tickets, then stick to them. A defined, fair, playing field will negate most politically motivated allocation disagreements.
• Never (if possible) let a seat go empty. At my firm if a partner can't use the seats on any particular day I offer the tickets up to associates, then to either my Rolodex of important business development resources or to firm staff. Providing a great experience at any level, internal or external, will be rewarding to the firm.
• Package your tickets when they are handed out. At my firm I have ordered special plastic holders and lanyards (when appropriate) emblazoned with the firm logo. People appreciate all things more that arrive in a "special" package.
• Don't make tickets available for allocation too early. At my firm tickets are made available for any month 10 days before the offered month (May tickets are made available on April 21, etc.). Putting the tickets on the market too early will result in lots of cancellations, or tickets going unused after being spoken for without confirmed guests.
• Keep a spreadsheet of which person received tickets and who they invited as their guest.
• Promote, promote, promote! I send out messages about ticket availability that not only state tickets are available, but also promote the event(s). I figure that if I can't get my people excited about going how will they get their invitees stoked.
• Don't sweat it if tickets actually go unused. It happens. If you have done your diligence promoting availability then, O.K., job well done. At my firm the cost of season seats to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim is in the low five figures (for incredible seats by the way). For that sum we will create a great experience for 300+ clients and referral resources. Believe me, it will pay for itself and then some!